Next Chapter

I am writing this as I sit alone in my one-bedroom apartment waiting for my dishes to soak a little in the sink. A car alarm is going off, driving me a little nutty. I am going to the gym later tonight after I finish cooking some bacon for a soup I am making for a fundraiser.

Basically, what the reader can conclude from these mundane events is this: I have a full-time job, an apartment, and a somewhat steady life.

This is the strangest situation I have been in yet.

For people who know me, or have read even a couple of these blog posts, I have not settled down for more then a couple of months at a time. Since I turned 18, I set off running. My list goes something like this: Cancun, Ukraine, Washington DC, Minnesota, Iowa, California, Wisconsin, Morocco, Ohio, Spain, Florida...you get the picture.

I graduated college and now I am settled, working 40 hours a week in a cubicle.

Every day in a cubicle.

It has taken some time to adjust and I still do not feel completely at ease with the quiet my life has moved to. It has instead made me restless for my next challenge.

My new challenge?
I pray that I do not grow stagnant, but get involved and enrich myself here. I am settling in a church and wishing to get connected and grow. I pray that God will open me up to new friends and experiences.

The car alarm stopped.

Hopefully the sanity will return.
:)

Leaving DC

I finished DC in a flurry of activity, including natural disasters, unsaid goodbyes, and a realization of the value of some of the relationships I made.

My last month we had a hurricane, which passed by DC without causing much more then a bit of flooding and knocking out our electricity. I had a mini beach getaway to Virginia Beach where I read a fantastic novel as I soaked up some sun… during an earthquake. (It felt as if a large man was stomping next to me, which I was curious about but didn’t care enough to look up) It wasn’t until later that we overhead some other sunbathers talking about the “earthquake”.

I ended the summer in anticipation of the next chapter of my life. I felt as if, in my transitory lifestyle, I have really been standing still. It is a strong temptation to invest cautiously into what I know will be temporary. While I loved many of the organizations I worked with and the people I met, in the back of my mind I knew constantly that this may be my last sight of them, each time I went there. I became convicted throughout the summer that in order for me to truly move forward, I must develop and invest in a place for an extended period of time, not a week here and there.

I left DC August 29th. I said good-bye to some great friends, prayed for the city I grew to care for, and left for a great unknown that awaited me for when I returned to Minnesota.

Fighting, Fear, and Faith

So, this week I experienced a wide variety of emotions. I had a great group and found myself feeling at home with the people I was serving with. I could identify with their backgrounds, their music, humor, and saw in them a desire to follow the Lord which was exciting.

However, I also experienced a taste of fear. A couple of girls did not meet back on time at a ministry site long enough that I had to take action and organized a search for them. At a housing project where we ran an outdoor children's ministry, we heard loud bangs and were told to send the kids home and leave. During my last day with the children there were a couple of fights that broke out and I saw the most intense anger I have ever seen in the eyes of a young boy. It surprised me, scared me, and moved me to tears on the spot. To top it off, there was a man who approached our housing site that night and told us that he had been sleeping outside of our church for a couple of nights, causing us to call the police as a precautionary measure.

I experienced a heavy sort of helplessness and fear this week. I am not used to being afraid and so when these experiences became real life to me I have been forced to take a step back and process the events.

Right now, I am convinced of several things. However, I know that there is more to unpack from this.

One - the devil is active and moving in this world. My amazing group experienced a lot of trials and tribulations that I would contribute to the devil's attempt to throw up barriers and discouragement from ministry. Our housing site has had many problems that have threatened the stability and peace of our staff and groups.

Two - God provides and he sustains. I received a sense of peace through the chaos and saw the Lord's hand throughout my fear. I was forced to call out to him in a very real sense and I was answered many times this week. He gives calm when calm is required and tells us to move when we need to move.

Three - God gives rest. Today I woke up early, had very little sleep, but had such a wonderful day of sabbath. I spoke with my family, explored some vintage shops in DC and had a wonderful mexican meal after getting caught in a summer rain with some friends. I returned back, got changed into dry clothes and am now relaxing without anywhere I need to be.

This week has been more real and more rewarding then many of the weeks so far. As I get to know people better at ministry sites and as I get to care more about the city, the fears and problems become my own. I am thankful for this experience and the way it is awakening a desire to care for people and a new sense of living in reality.

Gleaning

So I am not even sure where to begin in this quick blog post for all of my faithful fans. :) I will leave you with two thoughts.

Thought 1.

These past couple of weeks I have seen a variety of groups from urban, suburban, and rural backgrounds. I have had wonderful leaders that I clicked with instantly and leaders where I felt I needed to prove myself to them. I have been learning the importance of understanding each other when dealing with those relationships in particular. People, regardless of where they are now, have stories to tell and priorities in their life which influence each step they take. Over my past couple of weeks, I have been challenged to seek understanding and learn what people love and care about. The more we can understand, the more barriers break down. Anyway, as cryptic as that may all be, I leave you with a simple conclusion. Never write people off. We are all mostly the same I think. It just takes more time to get to know and appreciate some people then others.

Thought 2.

Today, I gleaned. I went to a corn field and picked up the corn that the farmers had left. We donated the corn to a food pantry. It was beautiful. I enjoyed the time in the field, the time in the sun and the idea that we were picking 1,000 pounds of corn for people in the city who are so far from available health food. The unavailability of fresh fruit and produce to a population is known as a "food desert" - a major problem in DC. In the Southeast, the quadrant didn't have a grocery store up until only a couple of years ago. Imagine not having easy access to food beyond a corner store or carryout restaurant. Today gave me breath and the energy to carry on. Sunshine and hard work can be a wonderful combination.

Praise God for sustaining me and continuing to teach and bless me.

Follow The White Van

I have a couple of thoughts for yesterday...

It was the last day of my fourth group of the summer and chaos struck. We were supposed to be at our park VBS at 3pm. One of the other hosts got sick, leaving one host to direct three vans to the site while my van was already there. The caravan took a wrong turn, lost one van, the other van got pulled over, and the host didn't have her map to try and track down the other vans. Amidst a lot of struggle, we located everyone, showed up at the public housing projects 45 minutes late and then it down-poured as we gathered the kids for the last day. Hahaha.. of course it did. All I could really do was laugh. We played in the rain, ate some treats with the kids, and then sent everyone home with smiles on our faces.

I am reminded of much after this week of hosting.

1. Chaos can be beautiful. Throughout the problems, the kids and leaders were just wonderful, gracious, and never complained. It was beautiful.

2. The rain brings life. As we stood in the park the last day I was reminded that God brings rain to bless us and to bring new life. Without the rain, the world would cease to exist. The kids continued to talk about the rain and felt that it was a new beginning for them. Many of them came to this trip without a lot of direction, especially with spiritual things, but are leaving with a change in heart. As the rain poured down, we stood humbled and ready to emerge better and stronger then before.

3. God works even when I feel like I am lacking. This week went well, I gave 100%, but I did not feel that I connected with these kids or had any idea of the impact the week was to them. The last night we debriefed for maybe two hours. The leaders spoke and were really encouraging to the group. However, the kids took over the night when I asked them how they saw God this week. So many spoke up, seeing God in people, in situations, in their own lives, in the changes they have underwent, in us... you get the picture. Coming into this week, the youth pastor expressed that he wasn't sure if some of these kids were even Christians. This last night was an outpouring of love and grace on everyone. High school cliques were broken down, new friendships made, the Bible became exciting and understandable, and God comforted the broken. I sat their in awe of the way God moves even when I am so completely unaware.

4. And finally, follow the white van. For one of leaders who drove, her main job throughout the day was basically to follow the white van from site to site as they maneuvered the city. DC traffic gets pretty hectic and if you are not focussed entirely on who is leading you, but instead distracted, switching lanes, or doing your own thing, you will get lost and separated from your goal. If the people in your car are distracting, telling you contradictory information, or just not there, you will get off your path. One of the youth leaders used this as an analogy of our life. I we are not focused on the goal, focused on Christ as the end in site, then we will quickly fall of the path and get distracted by the world around us. Wow.

Strength for the Streets

Today I went to a soup kitchen for the morning with my group. While the volunteer coordinator put them to work on the serving line and cleaning the tables, I sat down with a couple guests who were eating lunch. These women's names were Kathleen and Carlita.

Kathleen immediately caught my eye since when she came in she called my kids "angels" and sincerely thanked them for the work they were doing. I sat down with her and chatted about DC and her life. I was struck to hear her story and the hardships she has endured. Throughout her daughter's murder, her poverty, her husband's death and other life calamities, she has stayed reliant upon the Lord. It was amazing. She gave me advice about everything from marriage, to kids, to jobs, to traveling. She also told me stories of miracles and shared her story of relying on God.

Along with these stories, these women both described to me their lives on the streets. They both would rather stay on the streets then in shelters, since many of them have bedbugs, maggots, and roaches and are dirty places to stay. I have heard other stories about women who sleep during the day and stay awake at night to protect themselves. When I asked Carlita if she ever felt unsafe on the streets she said that she had always felt protected by God and had never been attacked. I can't imagine making that decision, staying on the streets or staying in an infested shelter.

I asked them what I can be praying for them about. They both answered with the same request, strength.

Pray for the strength of those living on the streets tonight. Pray that they would be comforted in the midst of uncertainty and that they would have the peace and hope that can only come in Christ.

My Life is Not My Own

Today I sent my group out on the "urban plunge" which is where I give them each 2 dollars, a list of services to find, pair them up, and they have to find food for themselves as well as for someone who needs it. The kids come back with awesome stories of people they meet as well as a greater awareness of the difficulties of life on the streets.

I was struck by the excitement that my kids showed. For them, it was a challenge and an honor to be trusted in the city, with the money, and with the responsibility to find food for someone other then themselves.

I was so convicted by their enthusiasm.

The money that I gave them was not their own but entrusted to them for good. The time was not their own but entrusted to them for good.

I have also been entrusted with resources, situations, love and the truth. However, they are not really my own. On that same note, my life is not my own. I have been entrusted with life here on this earth and the duty to represent Christ. What if I were to live with excitement for what I can do for the Lord with what I have been entrusted? What if this was my daily prayer and praise? What if really lived with the knowledge of our responsibility and great pleasure to shower blessings on those we meet?

My life is not my own... Hallelujah!