So, this week I experienced a wide variety of emotions. I had a great group and found myself feeling at home with the people I was serving with. I could identify with their backgrounds, their music, humor, and saw in them a desire to follow the Lord which was exciting.
However, I also experienced a taste of fear. A couple of girls did not meet back on time at a ministry site long enough that I had to take action and organized a search for them. At a housing project where we ran an outdoor children's ministry, we heard loud bangs and were told to send the kids home and leave. During my last day with the children there were a couple of fights that broke out and I saw the most intense anger I have ever seen in the eyes of a young boy. It surprised me, scared me, and moved me to tears on the spot. To top it off, there was a man who approached our housing site that night and told us that he had been sleeping outside of our church for a couple of nights, causing us to call the police as a precautionary measure.
I experienced a heavy sort of helplessness and fear this week. I am not used to being afraid and so when these experiences became real life to me I have been forced to take a step back and process the events.
Right now, I am convinced of several things. However, I know that there is more to unpack from this.
One - the devil is active and moving in this world. My amazing group experienced a lot of trials and tribulations that I would contribute to the devil's attempt to throw up barriers and discouragement from ministry. Our housing site has had many problems that have threatened the stability and peace of our staff and groups.
Two - God provides and he sustains. I received a sense of peace through the chaos and saw the Lord's hand throughout my fear. I was forced to call out to him in a very real sense and I was answered many times this week. He gives calm when calm is required and tells us to move when we need to move.
Three - God gives rest. Today I woke up early, had very little sleep, but had such a wonderful day of sabbath. I spoke with my family, explored some vintage shops in DC and had a wonderful mexican meal after getting caught in a summer rain with some friends. I returned back, got changed into dry clothes and am now relaxing without anywhere I need to be.
This week has been more real and more rewarding then many of the weeks so far. As I get to know people better at ministry sites and as I get to care more about the city, the fears and problems become my own. I am thankful for this experience and the way it is awakening a desire to care for people and a new sense of living in reality.
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