Leaving DC

I finished DC in a flurry of activity, including natural disasters, unsaid goodbyes, and a realization of the value of some of the relationships I made.

My last month we had a hurricane, which passed by DC without causing much more then a bit of flooding and knocking out our electricity. I had a mini beach getaway to Virginia Beach where I read a fantastic novel as I soaked up some sun… during an earthquake. (It felt as if a large man was stomping next to me, which I was curious about but didn’t care enough to look up) It wasn’t until later that we overhead some other sunbathers talking about the “earthquake”.

I ended the summer in anticipation of the next chapter of my life. I felt as if, in my transitory lifestyle, I have really been standing still. It is a strong temptation to invest cautiously into what I know will be temporary. While I loved many of the organizations I worked with and the people I met, in the back of my mind I knew constantly that this may be my last sight of them, each time I went there. I became convicted throughout the summer that in order for me to truly move forward, I must develop and invest in a place for an extended period of time, not a week here and there.

I left DC August 29th. I said good-bye to some great friends, prayed for the city I grew to care for, and left for a great unknown that awaited me for when I returned to Minnesota.

Fighting, Fear, and Faith

So, this week I experienced a wide variety of emotions. I had a great group and found myself feeling at home with the people I was serving with. I could identify with their backgrounds, their music, humor, and saw in them a desire to follow the Lord which was exciting.

However, I also experienced a taste of fear. A couple of girls did not meet back on time at a ministry site long enough that I had to take action and organized a search for them. At a housing project where we ran an outdoor children's ministry, we heard loud bangs and were told to send the kids home and leave. During my last day with the children there were a couple of fights that broke out and I saw the most intense anger I have ever seen in the eyes of a young boy. It surprised me, scared me, and moved me to tears on the spot. To top it off, there was a man who approached our housing site that night and told us that he had been sleeping outside of our church for a couple of nights, causing us to call the police as a precautionary measure.

I experienced a heavy sort of helplessness and fear this week. I am not used to being afraid and so when these experiences became real life to me I have been forced to take a step back and process the events.

Right now, I am convinced of several things. However, I know that there is more to unpack from this.

One - the devil is active and moving in this world. My amazing group experienced a lot of trials and tribulations that I would contribute to the devil's attempt to throw up barriers and discouragement from ministry. Our housing site has had many problems that have threatened the stability and peace of our staff and groups.

Two - God provides and he sustains. I received a sense of peace through the chaos and saw the Lord's hand throughout my fear. I was forced to call out to him in a very real sense and I was answered many times this week. He gives calm when calm is required and tells us to move when we need to move.

Three - God gives rest. Today I woke up early, had very little sleep, but had such a wonderful day of sabbath. I spoke with my family, explored some vintage shops in DC and had a wonderful mexican meal after getting caught in a summer rain with some friends. I returned back, got changed into dry clothes and am now relaxing without anywhere I need to be.

This week has been more real and more rewarding then many of the weeks so far. As I get to know people better at ministry sites and as I get to care more about the city, the fears and problems become my own. I am thankful for this experience and the way it is awakening a desire to care for people and a new sense of living in reality.

Gleaning

So I am not even sure where to begin in this quick blog post for all of my faithful fans. :) I will leave you with two thoughts.

Thought 1.

These past couple of weeks I have seen a variety of groups from urban, suburban, and rural backgrounds. I have had wonderful leaders that I clicked with instantly and leaders where I felt I needed to prove myself to them. I have been learning the importance of understanding each other when dealing with those relationships in particular. People, regardless of where they are now, have stories to tell and priorities in their life which influence each step they take. Over my past couple of weeks, I have been challenged to seek understanding and learn what people love and care about. The more we can understand, the more barriers break down. Anyway, as cryptic as that may all be, I leave you with a simple conclusion. Never write people off. We are all mostly the same I think. It just takes more time to get to know and appreciate some people then others.

Thought 2.

Today, I gleaned. I went to a corn field and picked up the corn that the farmers had left. We donated the corn to a food pantry. It was beautiful. I enjoyed the time in the field, the time in the sun and the idea that we were picking 1,000 pounds of corn for people in the city who are so far from available health food. The unavailability of fresh fruit and produce to a population is known as a "food desert" - a major problem in DC. In the Southeast, the quadrant didn't have a grocery store up until only a couple of years ago. Imagine not having easy access to food beyond a corner store or carryout restaurant. Today gave me breath and the energy to carry on. Sunshine and hard work can be a wonderful combination.

Praise God for sustaining me and continuing to teach and bless me.

Follow The White Van

I have a couple of thoughts for yesterday...

It was the last day of my fourth group of the summer and chaos struck. We were supposed to be at our park VBS at 3pm. One of the other hosts got sick, leaving one host to direct three vans to the site while my van was already there. The caravan took a wrong turn, lost one van, the other van got pulled over, and the host didn't have her map to try and track down the other vans. Amidst a lot of struggle, we located everyone, showed up at the public housing projects 45 minutes late and then it down-poured as we gathered the kids for the last day. Hahaha.. of course it did. All I could really do was laugh. We played in the rain, ate some treats with the kids, and then sent everyone home with smiles on our faces.

I am reminded of much after this week of hosting.

1. Chaos can be beautiful. Throughout the problems, the kids and leaders were just wonderful, gracious, and never complained. It was beautiful.

2. The rain brings life. As we stood in the park the last day I was reminded that God brings rain to bless us and to bring new life. Without the rain, the world would cease to exist. The kids continued to talk about the rain and felt that it was a new beginning for them. Many of them came to this trip without a lot of direction, especially with spiritual things, but are leaving with a change in heart. As the rain poured down, we stood humbled and ready to emerge better and stronger then before.

3. God works even when I feel like I am lacking. This week went well, I gave 100%, but I did not feel that I connected with these kids or had any idea of the impact the week was to them. The last night we debriefed for maybe two hours. The leaders spoke and were really encouraging to the group. However, the kids took over the night when I asked them how they saw God this week. So many spoke up, seeing God in people, in situations, in their own lives, in the changes they have underwent, in us... you get the picture. Coming into this week, the youth pastor expressed that he wasn't sure if some of these kids were even Christians. This last night was an outpouring of love and grace on everyone. High school cliques were broken down, new friendships made, the Bible became exciting and understandable, and God comforted the broken. I sat their in awe of the way God moves even when I am so completely unaware.

4. And finally, follow the white van. For one of leaders who drove, her main job throughout the day was basically to follow the white van from site to site as they maneuvered the city. DC traffic gets pretty hectic and if you are not focussed entirely on who is leading you, but instead distracted, switching lanes, or doing your own thing, you will get lost and separated from your goal. If the people in your car are distracting, telling you contradictory information, or just not there, you will get off your path. One of the youth leaders used this as an analogy of our life. I we are not focused on the goal, focused on Christ as the end in site, then we will quickly fall of the path and get distracted by the world around us. Wow.

Strength for the Streets

Today I went to a soup kitchen for the morning with my group. While the volunteer coordinator put them to work on the serving line and cleaning the tables, I sat down with a couple guests who were eating lunch. These women's names were Kathleen and Carlita.

Kathleen immediately caught my eye since when she came in she called my kids "angels" and sincerely thanked them for the work they were doing. I sat down with her and chatted about DC and her life. I was struck to hear her story and the hardships she has endured. Throughout her daughter's murder, her poverty, her husband's death and other life calamities, she has stayed reliant upon the Lord. It was amazing. She gave me advice about everything from marriage, to kids, to jobs, to traveling. She also told me stories of miracles and shared her story of relying on God.

Along with these stories, these women both described to me their lives on the streets. They both would rather stay on the streets then in shelters, since many of them have bedbugs, maggots, and roaches and are dirty places to stay. I have heard other stories about women who sleep during the day and stay awake at night to protect themselves. When I asked Carlita if she ever felt unsafe on the streets she said that she had always felt protected by God and had never been attacked. I can't imagine making that decision, staying on the streets or staying in an infested shelter.

I asked them what I can be praying for them about. They both answered with the same request, strength.

Pray for the strength of those living on the streets tonight. Pray that they would be comforted in the midst of uncertainty and that they would have the peace and hope that can only come in Christ.

My Life is Not My Own

Today I sent my group out on the "urban plunge" which is where I give them each 2 dollars, a list of services to find, pair them up, and they have to find food for themselves as well as for someone who needs it. The kids come back with awesome stories of people they meet as well as a greater awareness of the difficulties of life on the streets.

I was struck by the excitement that my kids showed. For them, it was a challenge and an honor to be trusted in the city, with the money, and with the responsibility to find food for someone other then themselves.

I was so convicted by their enthusiasm.

The money that I gave them was not their own but entrusted to them for good. The time was not their own but entrusted to them for good.

I have also been entrusted with resources, situations, love and the truth. However, they are not really my own. On that same note, my life is not my own. I have been entrusted with life here on this earth and the duty to represent Christ. What if I were to live with excitement for what I can do for the Lord with what I have been entrusted? What if this was my daily prayer and praise? What if really lived with the knowledge of our responsibility and great pleasure to shower blessings on those we meet?

My life is not my own... Hallelujah!

My Soul is Anchored in the Lord

Today was restful.

In the morning, I took my group to a Christian Mission that feeds people, houses a shelter, works with the community, and runs a Christian Discipleship program that brings men out of addictions, violence, and other problems and leads them in a seminary-type training. It is a great program with amazing results. The groups generally do a little bit of work and then I make sure they get a tour. The men share their lives with us and give all glory to the Lord. Each time I go to the mission I am more inspired by the men I meet and the way God has worked to completely transform their lives.

One guy there that I have visited a couple of times is 25 and has had three ex-wives and 6 kids. He got into trouble with the law and then entered the program after trying to escape the streets. He is the most unassuming and gentle guy now. We saw him on a tour today and he declined telling his testimony since he was not doing well right now. The guy taking us for a tour prayed for him and hugged him as brothers. It was a beautiful thing to see.

Our tour guide ended the tour by singing a breath-taking rendition of "My soul is anchored in the Lord". This man was born a heroin addict, became an enforcer for drug lords and was a very violent man. However, the man we saw before us in the mission chapel was singing a song of pain and salvation that almost brought tears to my eyes. I am reminded of the true change and justice that can only come from faith in Jesus. His healing power restores souls and is our only hope.

VBS

Ah, so I have not been taking pictures lately... I apologize...

I have been taking my group this week to VBS in an inner-city church. It is more of a summer school program that attempts to prepare children for school, catch them up, and also teach them the gospel. We were told that we cannot let the kids cuddle with us and climb all over us. At first I thought, well, ok, if that is what they want. I sort of assumed it was probably for our own protection.

As the week has progressed, I have been helping out in the four-year-old room. These two twin boys are perhaps the cutest little things I have ever met. However, the little dears also come to camp tired, cranky, and with drooping eyes each day. One of them so desperately wanted to use my lap to lie down and rest that it just broke my heart. I started to question the rules. Why can't we let them cuddle with us? He just wants a hug and wants to snuggle into a nice warm lap. However, this is precisely the problem.

After hearing the testimonies of some of the people who have suffered great pain in their lives, starting with childhood, I have heard evidence of why children must be careful to trust strangers. The great comfort that these kids felt after meeting us for a day should be scary to a parent when we live in an awful world. After talking with a leader and a former teacher, I wanted to cry all over again for these kids.

In addition to causing them to trust strangers, we also have the potential to hinder their social development and their ability to function independently. On mission trips and in service opportunities, well-meaning volunteers often baby the children and encourage behavior that would not be accepted when they grow up because we feel bad for these inner-city kids. We also encourage their affection for us and then leave them and forget them after our week of service is done. I still remember the way a little girl cried when I left an after-school program I volunteered at while on a mission trip in ninth grade.

I am left wanting to be there permanently for children in need, whether through adoption, foster care, or else volunteering or through my profession. I don't know. However, I am also left here struggling with how to be in places of temporary relationships with children and how best to communicate the caution groups must exercise when dealing with children. I want to love unselfishly and with the recipients in mind, not my own feelings.

Moving

Alright, since I have been so busy this past week I am just going to write another post today...

I just got back from a retreat in Villanova, PA this past weekend. We went into Philly Thursday night, ate some philly cheese steaks (which were excellent) and then got some ice cream at a little creamery which was adorable. To top off this excellent weekend, I stayed in a mansion last night. Yep.

It is about 100 years old and has beautiful paneling, exquisite floors, and the windows were huge, looking over the expansive veranda and lawn. The mansion is currently used as an office for a missionary organization but we were able to stay in the president's apartment, which was probably once the servants quarters. It was sort of a cottage inside a mansion. I had a wonderful time exploring and just getting to relax in all the space. While I love living with the people in my organization, it is nice to have some space to be alone once in a while.

To combat the relaxing time in Pennsylvania, we have also been moving housing sites this week. For the next week I will be living in the Southeast quadrant of DC. I am excited for the move since most of our ministry partners operate in the SE, which is known for having less resources and affluence then the rest of DC. The Southeast, particularly an area south of the river known as Anacostia, is often overlooked and ignored as being a part of DC. However, we do not yet have showers in the new housing site. Yep, so I guess it will just be me, deodorant, and DC's awful heat this week. Be thankful for your showers and your distance from me. :) I have been told that we will be given access to showers, however I am preparing myself for the worst.

Pray for the move and pray for my groups that I will be meeting and leading this week. I pray that they would see people as God sees them and that their compassion would overflow. Also pray that I keep a positive attitude throughout the week and that I am a Godly example to the groups!

Onions and Underwear

This past week I have been volunteering at some of the sites I will be taking groups to this summer. My week has progressed with its share of ups and downs. Here are a couple of experiences...

I started out by volunteering with the DC Central Kitchen, an organization that receives volunteer help and prepares food for shelters across the city. It is an amazing organization that also trains people in struggling positions for food preparation, equipping them with these culinary skills which can qualify them for better jobs in the city.

While I was impressed by the organization, I had a miserable time there. :( I was in the area where people were cutting onions but I was secretly pumped that I only was preparing the lettuce. However, I finished this and was placed on onion duty, something I thought I had avoided. For the next two hours I peeled and sliced onions while stinging tears streamed down my face. The rest of the day my eyes stung, reminding me of my awful morning. I respect people so much that prepare unfortunate food each day and am even more avid in my dislike of onions.

I also volunteered at 6am the next day in a soup kitchen where I sorted clothes to hand out to the men eating breakfast. This was an interesting task. I have become accustomed to picking out my clothing, with little thought to the price but only thinking of the style. I have had the luxury of choosing clothing that is in my size. However, for these men, they only requested a t-shirt or other type of clothing, receiving what we could find in the pile of donated clothes.

I was torn between many different thoughts while doing this. Part of me felt pity, seeing the brokenness that existed in some of these men, waiting in line for a t-shirt that had been a cast-off from another person. On the other hand, one man approached me and showed me something he had received and told me it was too big. I didn't have anything else and he yelled at me, asking what he was supposed to do with it since it was too big, and then threw it down at my feet.

At first, I was annoyed, I mean I was not even the one who brought it down for him. He is getting this for free and is a regular here, making this soup kitchen and the handouts a part of his daily life. I lost the pity and instead felt judgement in my heart. However, as I continue to reflect, I am reminded that it is not my choice who to love or who to show patience to. Even worse, this was a pair of underwear. Despite this man's personal choices and outside effects that might have brought him to this place in life, I cannot imagine a more humiliating experience but to come and ask for underwear from these young and affluent kids. The fact that it was too big was probably just too much for his pride, causing him to lash out in anger, attempting to regain his dignity.

Throughout the summer, I pray that I would not become immune to poverty and devastation but that I would instead be a loving and understanding presence in this city and with my groups. I pray I would be quick to love, quick to listen, and slow to judge these people that I do not know.

Say my name

While meeting with people from the different ministry sites my organization is partnering with during the summer, I heard a heart-breaking story today about a man who was homeless and had not been called by name for three weeks.

Three weeks.

I am particularly jolted by this story because I thought I knew how it felt to be passed over, unappreciated, and forgotten. Perhaps it is the feeling when everyone was recognized for their gifts and people forgot to mention yours, maybe you met someone and then were not remembered upon a second meeting, maybe these are silly things, but when added together they can impact a person deeply. Picture on the opposite side the feeling when you walk into a room and someone loudly calls out your name, announcing your presence and the joy that the room feels that you have finally arrived. Picture your smile as you are embraced by friends, family, maybe even a special someone, and you know that you are wanted. These people know you, love you, and call out to you by your name.

But after I heard that story, I started picturing something entirely different.

Now picture living life where nobody intentionally called you by name for three weeks. Sure, you have been spoken to, but it was not to you but instead it was at you.
You have been told to move along from a place you were sleeping. You were told which line to get in to get food at the soup kitchen. You received eye contact from a passerby but then ignored without a hello as the person passed you by on the street.
You live among people, but without the recognition that comes with a name. Now imagine how difficult life will be, apart from the food, living, and job problems you might be facing. Life is bleak when it is lived in obscurity.

This may be such a small point to make, but I often begin to despair when I realize how difficult real change is and I like to focus on little things. Jesus has called us by name, knowing full-well who we are. Can we be sensitive to others in the same way, calling people by name, whether they are poor or wealthy, as the precious people in God's sight that they are? Let us not forget those who are silent and strive to love people by name and for who they are, as individuals created by a loving and deliberate God.

Memorial Day Weekend

Saturday, I officially visited the National Mall and saw the national war memorials for the first time. It was a fitting activity for Memorial Day weekend. I started with the Washington Memorial, which boasts of two different colors of bricks because the construction was put on hold during the civil war. I walked through the World War II Memorial and heard the crashing chaos of the fountains, which represents the chaos of war, as well as the tranquility of the star pond, which is in honor of those who died.

(Korean War Memorial)

I was moved to tears by the Vietnam Memorial, especially when some of the people that were visiting stopped and pointed to names of their lost loved ones. Each name represents a life and story, goals and ambitions, that were given in pursuit of the nation. Regardless of what people believe about the politics of war, these lives deserve our utmost respect and admiration. ""Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 This memorial was designed with a material that reflects to those walking by to serve as a reminder that it could have been many of us that died.

My favorite memorial was perhaps the Lincoln Memorial. I especially enjoyed the moving words of the Gettysburg Address and his second Inaugural Speech, which are recorded on either side of his statue. Now, as well as after the Civil War, we are experiencing times of great sorrow, sin, and injustice. I see this last paragraph as a beautiful call for how we should live, especially after times of great distress and depravity in our country and around the world.

"With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations."

Blessings and love to you all on this Memorial Day weekend.
Jess

McDonalds and Chess

I usually will not be writing multiple blog posts in one day, as I clearly demonstrated from Morocco... However I thought I had several stories to share that required a new post.

Today, in training, I was paired with another girl and went on an "Urban Plunge" where we were each given two dollars, a bus ticket and told to supply dinner for myself and another person who needs it. We hopped on the bus and headed to Dupont circle.

After wondering a bit, we made several observations of the Dupont area. I saw streams of wealthy people either wearing business clothes or else expensive workout outfits. There are Starbucks at every corner and Whole Foods and other health stores that permeate the area. On the other hand, there are many people in the neighborhood and hanging out in the circle that, by contrast, do not seem to be in a hurry to get anywhere. This is a place where many homeless people reside, lounging in the grass and playing chess to pass the time.

The first people we met were young men that were selling a newspaper that compiles articles written by homeless people. We spent our money at McDonalds, (hey, it's cheap!) and hung out and just got to know them. One of them told me about the years he has spent on the streets and the other one described how he survives off these earnings and from receiving disability from the government. These guys were so personable and down-to-earth that it was hard to imagine that one went from shelter to shelter. So many people fall on hard times and in a city like DC that suffers from ridiculous housing prices, hard times can destroy a person.

After we let the guys go back to selling newspapers, we headed over to watch some chess in the park in Dupont circle. Ali, an older man in his 60s, came up to us and invited us to play with him. Despite admitting how bad we would be in chess compared to these people that could rival professionals, we went with him anyway and asked for pointers instead. From there, he gave us advice on chess, life, boxing, karate, and even life in the 60's and 70's. He is perhaps my favorite person I have met so far, has lived such an interesting life, and now spends his time in the park playing chess. (THIS IS NOT MY PICTURE, SORRY!)

I pray that we would not be quick to pass people by, but instead take the time to get to know people in all walks of life.

"Jesus promises a life in which we increasingly have to stretch our hands and be lead into places where we would rather not go." Henri Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus

New Adventures.... WASHINGTON DC!!!!

Hey all,

I realized that I never really finished my blog from Morocco. So here is a quick update... the last week I was there I successfully climbed Mount Toubkal in the Atlas Mountains. I said my goodbyes and my host family was just wonderful, crying to see me leave and showering me with gifts. I might have cried a bit too. I left them with some American peanut butter, a necessity, and gifts for those lovely kids. I made it safely back and have been living back here in the states ever since...

I graduated on May 15th of this year as a Politics major with a Sociology minor. So now real life begins? Thankfully, God has led me to a new adventure for the summer, so I am delaying entering the workforce as of yet and have flown off to Washington DC.

I am starting up the blog stories again with this new adventure to DC. I will be here from May 22nd until the middle of August. I am working with an inner city Christian mission organization, Center for Student Missions (CSM). After my two weeks of training and a week of serving, I will be leading youth groups across the city in missions trips.

I have several goals and motivations for coming here.

1) I have been convicted with my lack of sacrifice and total selfishness of the past few years. I have been very concerned with my own affairs, my clothes, school, friends, family, and really only living to see the life that surrounds me. I have been blind to the afflictions of those around me and see this summer as an opportunity to see people as God sees them, those broken, afflicted, and desperately loved. As Christians we should be the leaders in caring for the needy and downtrodden in society. There is a worship song that I love which has a refrain that says, "and what we do in here, will fill the streets out there". This is one of my prayers for the summer.

2) I want to get involved with nonprofit organizations for possible career options at a later (I guess quickly approaching) date. I am currently researching graduate programs in Social Work and Nonprofit management. If you have any suggestions for me I would appreciate the input.

3) I love traveling and new adventures and experiences. So I will record a few for my remaining followers on this blog. :)

I love you all and request your prayers for the summer! The group of staff I am here with are great and I am already very excited for what the summer will bring!

Jess :)